So I was there and it was written in the pages of the amphetamine callous that would form at a moments notice. The room would shake but I would be still always still ever still and the northern areas today will be slightly overcast with a chance of some showers sometime this evening. I would not begin to have thought back then what is happening now and the most surreal part of it all is the mystery of why i'm even doing it. I have no clue. The truth can't be in all places all the time It has a busy schedule like that of the planet Kepler-20e. If she arrives and I find that everything is lost from the very beginning I will be kicking myself because I've already had this happen once and I am in constant fear of it happening again. All I've ever heard being talked about is the strain that carries a number digits that can not be multiplied by themselves. Why somebody would lie about this I am unsure, perhaps the same reasons for my own lies. They are completely harmless though... Lies. Aren't they? My worry can't percieve what's truly happening because as well as most of my seriousness, I may have lost brain cells along with it. Maybe it's the true reason she wants to shower. Or am I being paranoid. How can you trust your instincts when  they lie to you? Am I incredibly naive? or is this reality and am I going to realise my instinct was correct all this time when that certain time that I dread finally arrives around the corner and has its way with whatever it pleases, a specific chaos in the form of a prison. Don't listen but learn it because the words are a warning to my future self in 2 months from now even if the financial issues finally cease, what will remain of this union. As you'll be forced to leave for territorial reasons and I can't understand why either of us agreed to this. It terrifies me.